Help Muslim brother in big problem

I’ve made a big mistake by letting me lead by the devil. I used my credit card to take huge riks on stockexchange. I’ve learned my lesson and now i’m trying to be a good muslim. Praying 5 times a day and follow the quran. I m praying to Allah to save me from this situation because my wife doesnt know anything. I also have 2 children. I’m afraid that if she knows it my marriage will be done. I’ve learned my lesson but i have a big depression and dont see a way out anymore. Often i think on killing myself but the only thing not doing it because its forbidden by Allah. Crying every day and praying to Allah is my only hope. I will pray a lot for the ones who will help me and save my life and my marriage. Thank you so much. I live in the west of Europe. Please donate me money. People who can lend me money, i will pay you back monthly within 5 years. May Allah help us all. My paypal is mehmetemre571@hotmail.com