Thread Rating:
  • 2 Vote(s) - 1 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Breaking the cycle
#1
Since a young girl I have loved babies and children and always dreamed of growing up and becoming a mum and having a little family for the first time. I longed and still do to this day to be apart of and know what a family home environment feels. 

I always told myself id break the cycle and do better than what I was raised in as a little girl. 

An alcoholic absent mother that acts like I don't even exist, the worst part was that from as  long as I can remember she singled me out  and was extra nasty and hateful to me than she was to my siblings. All I ever craved was her to acknowledge me and it took me until I was 18 to realise never ever will she love me and I my childhood was spent wondering what I did wrong or what was wrong with me? 

Having gone through such a horrible heartbreaking childhood and instead of enjoying being a kid and feeling like I was loved or even wanted by the person who brought me into the world , I was a very sad scared hurt little girl that had walls up and always felt I wasn't worthy.

I knew because of all the trauma and heartache that when I became a mother I'd make sure my children had no doubt they were loved and that I'd be every thing my mother WASNT for me. 

I couldn't wait to grow up and start a family for myself and have that feeling of belonging for the first time and knowing I was important to someone.

So fast forward to 22 without all the details but I'd mentioned  to my doc I was just wanting to see for piece of  if I was able to have children as a few things had made me question this .

So just did the general things and tests that can be done without going to far into the test just yet as I wasn't planning on having a child then I just wanted to have a piece of mind after all it was the things I'd longed for and dreamt about especially when I felt so alone and it was the only thing that  made me think maybe there was going to be a day where I had a purpose or was something or someone.

Then my whole life got crambled when I was told that my tests where coming back with the news no female thinks that they'd be the girl that couldn't have kids. 

It rocked my whole world 




Fast forward 4 miserable long years of now going through a dark depressing years not wanting to wake up everyday letting myself go and having no drive watching my siblings have babies and start their families i was at rock bottom, just wanting to be put out of my misery.

Somehow someway an absolute miracle happened I found out I was pregnant I was so shocked and scared and in denial but also scared it was going to be over before it even began I think I stayed in disbelief and didn't tell anyone besides the father. I held off in fear for ages scared to get disappointed.

I couldn't put it off anymore and went to the doctor and was estimated to be about 18 weeks along and before I knew it I was at the 20 week ultra sound seeing my little girl moving in my belly with tears pouring down my face so many emotions that I couldn't even speak.




I was determined to get myself out of the dark whole I let myself get into but I was pretty deep in.




My little girl is now 9 months old and I've given her everything I can and done alot of work to get where we are today but I still feel like Ive failed her and let her down. 

 I don't have family or anyone guenine in my life to ask for a hand or to get advice or just to have someone I know cares about me emotionally.


Im doing what I can to try and get a way to just give me that fire lighter that kickstarter to help me get back up out of this whole I just feel like there is a barrier I can't get through that little hurdle I just need a boost to get over 

I don't have a car nor do I have any savings to be able to enjoy my baby and really get to enjoy this crazy angel that I was gifted. I was so ready to throw the towel in I lost myself along with everything else with it 

https://www.paypal.me/brookeb777
Reply
#2
My inclination towards the paper is done for the approval of the turns. The class of the team and top research paper writer for the turns. Goal is pushed for thk terms for the effect for the with for the applied courses for the writers.
Reply
#3
Hi DonorOfBenevolence I am 27 and from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 2 Guest(s)