Help with burial expenses for my brother, a suicide victim

[xXTRiSHXx]

Our family just went through a tragic loss right before the holiday season. I was away and trying to make it home to my family but didn’t have the funds to make it back to NH. Then at 10:30 at night I received the worse news ever! My brother Shawn commuted suicide. On December 16th, 2023 by brother took his own life. Never would I ever thought he would have done that. The last couple months prior to his passing he was getting subliminal messages though the tv, via voices and images and videos on his cellphone and tablet. My brother was 40 years young. He just turned 40 the month prior on November 16th. He just recently started battling some mental health issues. He started seeing and hearing things that no one else saw or heard. He swore people were hurting or trying to hurt my parents so he started sleeping on the couch in the living room, pulling it out so he had a complete view of my parents sleeping so he could make sure they were ok. He would wake them while they were sleep and ask if they were ok. He wouldn’t let either one of them go anywhere without him. I spoke with him on the phone a few days before his death and he told me people were out to hurt him or my parents and that it has something to do with his past. He said “they” think he did something in his past that he has to pay for now that’s why they are torturing him. This all started recently. He started having extreme paranoia and at the end he knew something was wrong. The day of his death he asked my mom to get the phone number to the pavilion for him. My mother had to bring my husband to the store and for some reason my brother stayed home alone. Usually my father would of stayed home with him but this time my brother told my dad “just go with ma I’ll be fine”. My mom always kisses him on the cheek and says goodbye I’ll see you when I get back and when she did this, this time he said “don’t say goodbye, say see you later” and then my father said to him don’t do anything stupid when I’m gone and my brother said “don’t worry dad, I won’t. I won’t do anything stupid, I promise.” That was the last time they saw him alive. They were only gone for maybe 1/2 hour. When they got home they found my brother on the floor with blood all over him. He took a double barrel 410 shotgun and put it in his mouth. I wish I could go back to that day and I wish my mom had called the pavilion for him and never left him alone. I wish I was home to be there for him and talk to him. I wish there was something I could have done to prevented it. At the moment when he put that gun in his mouth all I could think of is how he felt. He must have been crying his eyes out. I can’t imagine what he was going through. I love and miss him so very much. My parents are heartbroken and devastated over this. They don’t know how to cope, physically, mentally and financially. My brother lived with my parents and helped them with all their bills. He paid 1/3 of everything, along with being their right hand man and helping them with the animals, cleaning, cooking and carrying in the groceries and taking out the trash. My parents are getting up there in age and can’t do all that themselves so he was a big part of their life. He took care of them and looked out for them and helped them in any way he could. We always talked about how he would always live with my parents because he always had to be here to watch out for them. He would of never left them behind willingly. Something must of really been hurting him so badly that he couldn’t take it anymore. He said to his friend a few days prior to his passing that “I guess I just have to kill myself so they won’t hurt my parents”. We didn’t know he said this to him until after it was too late. He thought it was him or my parents and he choose him. He thought “the people that were torturing him were going to do it to my parents as well.” I wish we knew this was so bad so we could have gotten him the help he needed. Because he never had to choose between his life or my parents. He basically gave his life for my parents. We are all so hurt and have so many unanswered questions. I haven’t gotten to see my brother since may 2023, besides I saw him for about 5 minutes in September 2023. He knew I was trying to get home and I was coming soon. I was excited to see everyone. Every time I called and he answered the phone he would want to talk to me the whole time. He just needed someone to talk to and I wish I could have been there for him as much as he needed me to be. I will always love him. He was my big brother and best friend. I’m 37yrs old. We are only 3yrs apart and grew up together. We were legit best friends. I will always love him and will NEVER forget him! I still talk to him every night and think of him every day.

well today I am asking if there is anyone that could possibly help me with money to pay for memorial/funeral services, for his cremation and urns and possibly help with money for burial plot and headstone. Today is now February 20th 2024 and we still haven’t had a memorial service for him and have not picked up his ashes at the funeral home because we haven’t paid them for the cremation or urns yet because we just don’t have the funds. My parents are on a fixed income, SSDI, which my brother was receiving as well. They shut his check off as soon as he passed and my parents have been paying my brothers portion of the rent and bills now and they don’t even have the funds to do so. I am asking if there is anyone out there that could help us with anything, we would greatly appreciate it. I know there are so many people out there in this world with big hearts. Please help our family that is so very much in need at this time. I want to thank you all for taking the time and reading this. Feel free to contact me with any questions or comments if you would like!
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