06-07-2017, 06:33 AM
I was on fire! April 2016, my home caught fire & I was severely burned trying to rescue my flock of little birdies then jumping out a window. My road to recovery has health obstacles hindering progress. After coma, treatments, inability to control body temperature, maniacal itching & moodiness - I just really want to go into "Finnish Mode"; hole up & heal. Hospital staff said those with my injuries always die. Used to be a 6'2" ball of twirling energy who annoyed everyone with song bites. Arthritis chopped me to 5'10" & limits mobility. Have liver damage from 2 bouts of CDiff & I now spend half my life in the bathroom. I'm one of those who refuses to give up. You want humiliation? Try hemorrhoid surgery. So - house repairs were done horribly & I am fighting with Contractors, etc. Ins. company refuses to pay for my roof. When the Contractor was putting up the ceilings, water - they said - flooded through - they stopped the work. All of the "theys" say the damage was not due to fire but I did not have this issue before the incident. Am now considered uninsurable. I need a roof for my home so I can continue to live independently. I could also use help with the overgrown yard that I haven't been able to touch for 2 years. I am so overwhelmed by this madness & feel like I am against a paper judge ("this document shows why you aren't covered..."). It turned someone who was already a private, cynic, New Englander into some weirdo who smells smoke all the time & thinks there are prowlers with matches on my property. I feel mishandled; forced to make decisions while in drugs. Unholy crap. I am only 59. Cannot stand being disabled. That goddamned look in peoples' eyes. I am petrified of my future. SSI disability barely covers living expenses. I have nightmares of car repairs (my car is a 2002 Hyundai), me falling & injuring myself further (I lose my balance a lot), the big tree out front crashing down because I cannot afford a service, high electric bills, never being able to fly home for funerals, my immature 7-year mortgage, no wheelchair ramp, vermin infestations...argh! No vacations evermore; dream of Finland is just that. Cannot drink & quit 53-year smoke habit after fire. TV is my vice. I used to be a stunning social butterfly but I am now a coiled pill bug under a rock. Roof estimates are $7500 to $15000; the yard could cost up to $2000 - more if I just cover it all with concrete like the good half-Portuguese girl I am. Have already exhausted family & friends so here I am, serving my pride on a paper plate, begging you for help for something I cannot control. I so wanted to be the crazy old bitch in the neighborhood with the big garden who kept all the balls & frisbees that ended up in her yard but secretly fed all the creatures her last crust. If you are really feeling me...I need new glasses, too. ($1000; that's with me supplying the frames). I figured I was heading toward eventual blindness & there are assistance programs for that. Balls! I am a loudmouth crone on disability with a broken body. I may get "Trumped"! I come from drunks (my grandfather was town sot & grandmother was town whore), drug addicts (sister took acid her whole senior year & now Jesus is her drug; uncles sold & used; all but one sibling's alcoholic), & fornicators (my father's second wife was my 17 year-old babysitter; I am the product of a drunken liaison behind the Lisbon Club). 8 kids are all average height blonde & blue-eyed; I am a brown eyed, auburn-haired giant of a female. I chose not to breed so I could end this unproductive line. I was the first girl in the family to go to college & buy a home on her own even though - in the words of my mother & every male member - "Why does a girl need to go to college?" Like everyone else, I've had ups & downs, Unfortunately, my lows happened in succession at this stage of my journey & they usurped my funds. I believe in the power of prayer. Last night I asked for some guidance for my roof dilemma. I found this site today. Manifest destiny? Duping myself? The power of the mind? Delusional faith? Maybe you are the hole in the ground for my head & I am going beyond normal nutzo into dementia...you don't get if you don't ask. Thank you & "Good for you," in doing these monetary kindnesses. One of my fantastic dreams is winning the big lottery & then anonymously solving immediate problems in a Johnny Appleseed way. My mother used to take old people into our home to live until their death; dignity intact. Basically, their relatives paid my mother to be family; absolving them of guilt. She loved the old men - we got very used to ball sack gravity reports ("Jesus - they were knocking the back of his kneecaps!"). Mrs. Fahey was with us the longest; fully dressed in her wig, stockings, and gems, until her son passed away. She would tell me daily what a fine hotel this was but my children were a little too rambunctious (I was in college & they were my siblings). Her daughter plugged her into a home where she was forever in a johnny, bald & embarrassed, crying for her family through the end of her life. No light in her eyes. No life there; just confusion & sadness. I so don't want to end up like Mrs. Fahey. I've got photos of my issues...