05-09-2022, 11:25 AM
Greetings, I really don't know where to start, or how to start, since the problem I am in was built-up over the years, and it is all connected, and it's so painful to tell anyone about it, so maybe I can start from the beginning.
I am a 31 years old guy in a family of 8 sisters, me, and my 2 parents, I am the youngest in the family yet the one who holds most of the responsibilities because I am the only male in the house, and my father is in his 80's, so I had work in multiple fields ever since I was a kid, I have worked in an olive oil press, and in a coal factory, and in gas stations, saved every cent I ever could spare so that one day I will have my own business, and get my self and my family out of this situation.
At the age of 18 I was accepted at college and started studying there, and during my studies I have met the love of my life, which is now my wife and I am forever thankful for that, but that didn't come as simple as these words, to be able to marry her I had to work 2 jobs beside my studying, and we got engaged for 8 years because I was just never able to collect enough money to do it with all the challenges I had in my life.
So year after year of trying to collect every penny I can work for I finally was able to collect just enough money to open a small print shop, and I thought I will finally be able to leave this rat wheel of working 16 hours a day to barely cover my daily life expenses and that I will be able to finally save money to get married, but the print shop never worked out, and it drained every penny I ever saved, and disparately I borrowed what is equivalent to 14000 dollars to try to sit things back on track with the print shop, but things just never worked, so with a broken heart, a big debt and empty pockets I had to close the print shop.
Again I started to look for a new job, and I found a job as a car sales man and treasurer in a small car showroom, and just when I thought that the world was giving me another chance, my wife's family felt like they have had enough waiting after 8 years of engagement, and I was forced to make a move and had to borrow around 18000 dollars to cover all the marriage expenses and to rent an apartment and put enough furniture in it because I was sure that I will stick to this job and do my best to payback the debt I had, and I finally got married and was determined to try whatever I can to just survive rather than losing the love of my life, so in 2019 I did, and I was just newly hired in that small car showroom, during my first year there, things were going normally at that time , I was getting my salary even though it was so little but I was ok with that, because I was sure at the time that I will survive and work will get bigger and I will get promoted if I work hard and everything was going to be fine, I was paying back whatever I could of the money I had to borrow for the print shop and to get married while trying to put food on the table for me and my wife and help my parents with what ever I could, and I thought that life is finally giving me a break, but then COVID19 happened, and during the quarantine we found out that my mom is diagnosed with womb cancer, and I felt like life just wants me to give up, I just couldn't take it any more, I was thinking about suicide every single day, but then I think of my wife and my parents, who will take care of them if I leave, and because of COVID19 I had to sit at home for 6 months without working, but sitting at home doesn't mean that you have no expenses, so again I had to borrow money month after month to help my dad and to just survive for me and my wife, and month after month the debt was getting bigger , and the weight on my shoulders was getting heavier and heavier, and when I got back to work they had to lower my salary because no one was buying any cars and people were saving money for the essentials in their lives and so on, and people that lent me money were just pushing and pushing so that I pay back the money I took, and started to threaten me so I made the worst mistake ever, and this is probably the hardest thing i will ever say to anyone, and it squeezes my heart and I feel like my soul wanna leave my body whenever i remember what I did, I started taking money from work without anyone knowing, and I was writing down every penny I took, and was always determined that I will pay back, and I was working what ever I could work on the side day and night to do so, but month after month with the people who lent me money asking for payment, the rent, and food for me and my parents and my mom treatments, I just had to take more and more, and every month I was saying that this is enough, I will not take any more money, and that I had to stop, but life wasn't allowing me to do so, and was hitting me with a reality hammer every time I tried, 5 months ago I repented and stopped because the feeling of guilt and pain was just so hard that i decided starving is an easier choice, and promised my self and my god that I will never do that again no matter what, and after that, my work got a little better and my mom is no longer diagnosed with cancer thank god, and now what I make is enough to cover my expenses finally, but the feeling of insecurity of people who lent me money would press charges or that the work place will find out I took money from it and I will lose it after it's finally getting on track is just so hard to handle, I cant sleep no matter what I do, I might fall asleep for 30 minutes before getting nightmares that wakes me up every time I try to sleep, the depressing feeling I have is not for a mountain to handle, my work can find out what I did at anytime, and the feeling of guilt is eating me alive, I was never that person, I wasn't raised to be that person, why did life treat me like this? why did it force me to change who I am? and the feeling of loneliness is the worst, I am crying when I ever I find my self alone, because I just cant tell anyone, because no one will understand, no one will ever know the things I went through that pushed me through this, and every-night when I am at bed with my wife and she finally falls asleep I just stare at her with the worst feeling that any person can ever feel that I have dragged her into all of this just because she fell in love with me, I tried to tell her multiple times, but I cant just shatter the image she always had for me, and I cant now just out of no where destroy the feeling of security she finally have for the first time with me when after finally she feels that things are finally getting back on track, and I feel so guilty that I ruined her life, just like that, I took away 11 years of her life and took her away from her home where she lived a normal and a happy life, every day she asks me when are we going to have kids now that my work is better, but I don't know what to tell her, I don't know how to tell her that the life we have at the moment can be destroyed at any moment, that at any moment my work can find out what I did and kick me and press charges against me, and that I can go to prison, or that the people who lent me money would press charges or even worse with their threats.
I just want a second chance, I have repented, and I just wanna keep what I have at the moment, I was never greedy and never wanted to be rich or something like that, I just want a normal secure life, for my wife and my family in the first place. I really cant live with this feeling of insecurity, because god knows that I just cant take another blow.
I just want to pay back the dept and give back the money to my work before anyone notices, so that I can keep it, and finally get this awful scary terrifying feeling of insecurity away.
I need 38000 dollars to just clear everything in the past and have a fresh start, I need 29000 to payback all that is left to the shark loaners, and 9000 to payback the money to my work
Even if there are people who are welling to lend me the full amount money, I am willing to sign what ever papers are suitable for it, I can with my current work pay back the money as of 300 dollars each month, but then I just know that I can sleep at night without waking up to a disaster. you can contact me on bino.rig@gmail.com
Please help a sinner that repented to have a second chance.
PayPal.Me/AhmadBeno
I am a 31 years old guy in a family of 8 sisters, me, and my 2 parents, I am the youngest in the family yet the one who holds most of the responsibilities because I am the only male in the house, and my father is in his 80's, so I had work in multiple fields ever since I was a kid, I have worked in an olive oil press, and in a coal factory, and in gas stations, saved every cent I ever could spare so that one day I will have my own business, and get my self and my family out of this situation.
At the age of 18 I was accepted at college and started studying there, and during my studies I have met the love of my life, which is now my wife and I am forever thankful for that, but that didn't come as simple as these words, to be able to marry her I had to work 2 jobs beside my studying, and we got engaged for 8 years because I was just never able to collect enough money to do it with all the challenges I had in my life.
So year after year of trying to collect every penny I can work for I finally was able to collect just enough money to open a small print shop, and I thought I will finally be able to leave this rat wheel of working 16 hours a day to barely cover my daily life expenses and that I will be able to finally save money to get married, but the print shop never worked out, and it drained every penny I ever saved, and disparately I borrowed what is equivalent to 14000 dollars to try to sit things back on track with the print shop, but things just never worked, so with a broken heart, a big debt and empty pockets I had to close the print shop.
Again I started to look for a new job, and I found a job as a car sales man and treasurer in a small car showroom, and just when I thought that the world was giving me another chance, my wife's family felt like they have had enough waiting after 8 years of engagement, and I was forced to make a move and had to borrow around 18000 dollars to cover all the marriage expenses and to rent an apartment and put enough furniture in it because I was sure that I will stick to this job and do my best to payback the debt I had, and I finally got married and was determined to try whatever I can to just survive rather than losing the love of my life, so in 2019 I did, and I was just newly hired in that small car showroom, during my first year there, things were going normally at that time , I was getting my salary even though it was so little but I was ok with that, because I was sure at the time that I will survive and work will get bigger and I will get promoted if I work hard and everything was going to be fine, I was paying back whatever I could of the money I had to borrow for the print shop and to get married while trying to put food on the table for me and my wife and help my parents with what ever I could, and I thought that life is finally giving me a break, but then COVID19 happened, and during the quarantine we found out that my mom is diagnosed with womb cancer, and I felt like life just wants me to give up, I just couldn't take it any more, I was thinking about suicide every single day, but then I think of my wife and my parents, who will take care of them if I leave, and because of COVID19 I had to sit at home for 6 months without working, but sitting at home doesn't mean that you have no expenses, so again I had to borrow money month after month to help my dad and to just survive for me and my wife, and month after month the debt was getting bigger , and the weight on my shoulders was getting heavier and heavier, and when I got back to work they had to lower my salary because no one was buying any cars and people were saving money for the essentials in their lives and so on, and people that lent me money were just pushing and pushing so that I pay back the money I took, and started to threaten me so I made the worst mistake ever, and this is probably the hardest thing i will ever say to anyone, and it squeezes my heart and I feel like my soul wanna leave my body whenever i remember what I did, I started taking money from work without anyone knowing, and I was writing down every penny I took, and was always determined that I will pay back, and I was working what ever I could work on the side day and night to do so, but month after month with the people who lent me money asking for payment, the rent, and food for me and my parents and my mom treatments, I just had to take more and more, and every month I was saying that this is enough, I will not take any more money, and that I had to stop, but life wasn't allowing me to do so, and was hitting me with a reality hammer every time I tried, 5 months ago I repented and stopped because the feeling of guilt and pain was just so hard that i decided starving is an easier choice, and promised my self and my god that I will never do that again no matter what, and after that, my work got a little better and my mom is no longer diagnosed with cancer thank god, and now what I make is enough to cover my expenses finally, but the feeling of insecurity of people who lent me money would press charges or that the work place will find out I took money from it and I will lose it after it's finally getting on track is just so hard to handle, I cant sleep no matter what I do, I might fall asleep for 30 minutes before getting nightmares that wakes me up every time I try to sleep, the depressing feeling I have is not for a mountain to handle, my work can find out what I did at anytime, and the feeling of guilt is eating me alive, I was never that person, I wasn't raised to be that person, why did life treat me like this? why did it force me to change who I am? and the feeling of loneliness is the worst, I am crying when I ever I find my self alone, because I just cant tell anyone, because no one will understand, no one will ever know the things I went through that pushed me through this, and every-night when I am at bed with my wife and she finally falls asleep I just stare at her with the worst feeling that any person can ever feel that I have dragged her into all of this just because she fell in love with me, I tried to tell her multiple times, but I cant just shatter the image she always had for me, and I cant now just out of no where destroy the feeling of security she finally have for the first time with me when after finally she feels that things are finally getting back on track, and I feel so guilty that I ruined her life, just like that, I took away 11 years of her life and took her away from her home where she lived a normal and a happy life, every day she asks me when are we going to have kids now that my work is better, but I don't know what to tell her, I don't know how to tell her that the life we have at the moment can be destroyed at any moment, that at any moment my work can find out what I did and kick me and press charges against me, and that I can go to prison, or that the people who lent me money would press charges or even worse with their threats.
I just want a second chance, I have repented, and I just wanna keep what I have at the moment, I was never greedy and never wanted to be rich or something like that, I just want a normal secure life, for my wife and my family in the first place. I really cant live with this feeling of insecurity, because god knows that I just cant take another blow.
I just want to pay back the dept and give back the money to my work before anyone notices, so that I can keep it, and finally get this awful scary terrifying feeling of insecurity away.
I need 38000 dollars to just clear everything in the past and have a fresh start, I need 29000 to payback all that is left to the shark loaners, and 9000 to payback the money to my work
Even if there are people who are welling to lend me the full amount money, I am willing to sign what ever papers are suitable for it, I can with my current work pay back the money as of 300 dollars each month, but then I just know that I can sleep at night without waking up to a disaster. you can contact me on bino.rig@gmail.com
Please help a sinner that repented to have a second chance.
PayPal.Me/AhmadBeno