hey, so I'm kind of at the end of my rope & rock bottom here and I'll get into it since I'm here. I want to preface this by saying that I don't do any drugs & I don't drink except very occasionally.
I left my homestate 3 years ago to move in with my Dad to try & make it in the state he'd lived in and I met a lot of cool people, worked at a lot of good jobs, (& a few shitty ones) y'know.
Ended up fired from 1 job for fucking around for a few mins even though it was a nightshift stocking job, from another one for smoking cigarettes on trash runs (with the dumpster yards away from customers, iirc) & then getting misdiagnosed with Bipolar & put on meds that made me a zombie at night & hyper every other couple of days at work, although that job was working out great.
Uncle dies, fired from the job because a coworker thought I stole money from him at a party the night before & tried to beat me on shift, I'm the one that gets fired even tho he started shit because he'd been there for years. Also, someone scammed me out of a ton of money off of one of those internet "pay me, I'll pay u" type things. Got into a slump for a little bit after those 3 great experiences,
Dad starts dumping me in the city to look for work instead of the town we were in? So we mutually agree to kick me out.
Went back to my homestate, cousins friend gave me a spot for a few weeks but it was too small for 2 ppl, end up moving in with relatives but every job I could get from their place wasn't paying enough to get me out of the poverty hole fast enough. Quit working for a bit & started working out & studying for weeks and gathering medical records from my family doctor & my time in Maine so I could join the Army - then they said I couldn't join because of a depression diagnosis even though they'd lead me on to think it wouldn't matter. Got another dishwashing job, place closed down for the season - that's Christmas, 2018.
Decided to move in with some work friends from my Dads state, they'd gone back to theirs out Midwest. Even tho they said they were cool with me not paying rent as long as I was trying to get on my feet, they threw me out once my job started fucking me on hours. Whatever! From there I bounced from shelter to shelter, job to job & friend group to friend group.
Came to Boston & tried to get in with social programs because at this point shit was really starting to get to me, nothing really happened & I ended up moving out to Cali with a friend to try volunteer farming off of the Co-Vid stimulus $ (along with paying off some friends I owed money to), boss said I might be able to do lab work for him & got me training (& said he wouldn't mind me getting a night job if I wanted, too) but ended up paying to send me back home.
I've met a lot of good people & worked for some good people but obviously, nothings ever really worked out for me & I've been fired from jobs for rly minor reasons & quit a few just from dissatisfaction of things not moving fast enough. I've done some volunteer work & a lot of favors from people but never really made longlasting, close friends since I was a teenager - I'm Bi & people always seem to gravitate towards and then away from me.
So I'm back in my home state again now & on the street. Family has moved out all over the state & country, a lot of old friends have dropped me, others are too busy, others disappeared & others moved out of state years ago to do their own thing.
Found out I was adopted & that my real parents both had schizophrenia [which has been getting worse for me in the last few years. Kind of stabilized by now but.. yeah.] & my adoptees knew about that & that I might be autistic & didn't tell me - I had to find out after the fact, same with the adoption from my family doctor.
Finally biting the bullet and swallowing my pride and living in a makeshift structure under a bridge to avoid the toxicity of the shelter system while accessing as many programs as possible, mostly doing the leg & paperwork for that but I'm tired, hungry, [even with an EBT card] stressed, thirsty, going through caffeine & nicotine withdrawals & just overwhelmed lately doing everything by myself without a car or even just a bike.
My family doesn't feel like my family anymore and I've been diagnosed with PTSD at this point which really gets to me but have no meds for that, the ADHD or Schizophrenia. I pretend everything is okay in public & with people all of the time but it's really not at all & I'm really starting to both feel my age with how beleaguered I am & my youth with the fact I've lived life but I'm not living at all. I feel dead most of the time no matter how active, energized or happy I am.
I've found a plaza with multiple hotels & motels near me and I was wondering if anyone would be kind enough to throw 100 $ or so for me to get a room for a night so I can get some natural rest, do some laundry, plan out my next moves & relax? I have places to get food & plenty of clothes but it's the little things that help the most rn & even past that, like I said - any & every little bit helps. I change socks constantly just because of how sweated through mine get even though it's winter.
My Paypal link is https://paypal.me/berouty & my Cashapp is $Josh1ElGrande
I left my homestate 3 years ago to move in with my Dad to try & make it in the state he'd lived in and I met a lot of cool people, worked at a lot of good jobs, (& a few shitty ones) y'know.
Ended up fired from 1 job for fucking around for a few mins even though it was a nightshift stocking job, from another one for smoking cigarettes on trash runs (with the dumpster yards away from customers, iirc) & then getting misdiagnosed with Bipolar & put on meds that made me a zombie at night & hyper every other couple of days at work, although that job was working out great.
Uncle dies, fired from the job because a coworker thought I stole money from him at a party the night before & tried to beat me on shift, I'm the one that gets fired even tho he started shit because he'd been there for years. Also, someone scammed me out of a ton of money off of one of those internet "pay me, I'll pay u" type things. Got into a slump for a little bit after those 3 great experiences,
Dad starts dumping me in the city to look for work instead of the town we were in? So we mutually agree to kick me out. Went back to my homestate, cousins friend gave me a spot for a few weeks but it was too small for 2 ppl, end up moving in with relatives but every job I could get from their place wasn't paying enough to get me out of the poverty hole fast enough. Quit working for a bit & started working out & studying for weeks and gathering medical records from my family doctor & my time in Maine so I could join the Army - then they said I couldn't join because of a depression diagnosis even though they'd lead me on to think it wouldn't matter. Got another dishwashing job, place closed down for the season - that's Christmas, 2018.
Decided to move in with some work friends from my Dads state, they'd gone back to theirs out Midwest. Even tho they said they were cool with me not paying rent as long as I was trying to get on my feet, they threw me out once my job started fucking me on hours. Whatever! From there I bounced from shelter to shelter, job to job & friend group to friend group.
Came to Boston & tried to get in with social programs because at this point shit was really starting to get to me, nothing really happened & I ended up moving out to Cali with a friend to try volunteer farming off of the Co-Vid stimulus $ (along with paying off some friends I owed money to), boss said I might be able to do lab work for him & got me training (& said he wouldn't mind me getting a night job if I wanted, too) but ended up paying to send me back home.
I've met a lot of good people & worked for some good people but obviously, nothings ever really worked out for me & I've been fired from jobs for rly minor reasons & quit a few just from dissatisfaction of things not moving fast enough. I've done some volunteer work & a lot of favors from people but never really made longlasting, close friends since I was a teenager - I'm Bi & people always seem to gravitate towards and then away from me.
So I'm back in my home state again now & on the street. Family has moved out all over the state & country, a lot of old friends have dropped me, others are too busy, others disappeared & others moved out of state years ago to do their own thing.
Found out I was adopted & that my real parents both had schizophrenia [which has been getting worse for me in the last few years. Kind of stabilized by now but.. yeah.] & my adoptees knew about that & that I might be autistic & didn't tell me - I had to find out after the fact, same with the adoption from my family doctor.
Finally biting the bullet and swallowing my pride and living in a makeshift structure under a bridge to avoid the toxicity of the shelter system while accessing as many programs as possible, mostly doing the leg & paperwork for that but I'm tired, hungry, [even with an EBT card] stressed, thirsty, going through caffeine & nicotine withdrawals & just overwhelmed lately doing everything by myself without a car or even just a bike.
My family doesn't feel like my family anymore and I've been diagnosed with PTSD at this point which really gets to me but have no meds for that, the ADHD or Schizophrenia. I pretend everything is okay in public & with people all of the time but it's really not at all & I'm really starting to both feel my age with how beleaguered I am & my youth with the fact I've lived life but I'm not living at all. I feel dead most of the time no matter how active, energized or happy I am.
I've found a plaza with multiple hotels & motels near me and I was wondering if anyone would be kind enough to throw 100 $ or so for me to get a room for a night so I can get some natural rest, do some laundry, plan out my next moves & relax? I have places to get food & plenty of clothes but it's the little things that help the most rn & even past that, like I said - any & every little bit helps. I change socks constantly just because of how sweated through mine get even though it's winter.
My Paypal link is https://paypal.me/berouty & my Cashapp is $Josh1ElGrande