I HATE asking anyone for help EVER. I simply don't know what to do anymore. This last year of my life has been so far past difficult that I don't even know how to describe it. My husband was an active alcoholic when we first got together 10 years ago. He had been in recovery for 4 years. He started drinking again after a difficult job loss. That escalated to pills, which, as of a year ago, progressed to meth. I have had chronic illness since I was 19 years old but in October of 2018, my doctor revoked my release to work. I loved working SO much.I have been a caregiver for the elderly for most of my life. It is what I was absolutely meant to do, without any doubt. My husband's addiction progressed to the point where we LITERALLY lost everything. My daughter and I left a year ago, moving from our 4 bedroom home, to a tiny studio apartment that my mom owns. My husband and I have been off and on for the entire last year. I just couldn't seem to let go. He cheated on me for the first time last March. Somehow, I decided that I could get past it and save our marriage. I had to hide my purse, meds, change jar, car keys, he would steal ANYTHING without a care. I got temporary custody of our neice because his sister is also a meth addict and became homeless. Along with my own kids, who are now 17 and 19, that 3 year old baby girl became my whole world. I am a maker, crafter, seamstress, beadwork artist...the list goes on and on. (I am currently using my fabric scrap collection to make masks that I have been donating to the homeless and some high risk community members.) In August, my neice was playing in the front yard with my son. Her meth addicted father came out of no where and snatched her out of the yard. I called 911 and got her back, but 2 days later CPS came and removed her from my care. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I had a complete psychotic break. I attempted suicide 3 times in 2 days. After the 3rd attempt, I was placed on life support. I was on a ventilator, my family was taken to the chapel and told that I had no brain activity, I was never going to wake up. I was on life support for 5 days. When they took the breathing tube out, by some miracle, I started breathing on my own. I woke up a few hours later. After 2 more days of recovery, I was taken to an acute mental health treatment facility, where I stayed for 14 days. In this time, my husband never came to see me, or even ask about me. He was there when I was put onto the ambulance so as far as he knew, I was dead. He cheated on me with 6 different women in the time that I was gone. AGAIN, I decided that even after ALL of that, I decided that we could work things out. Our relationship became very, VERY bad. In November, we got into an altercation, he broke 9 bones in my face. I stopped living that day. I am breathing but broken. I used my crafting ability to support my 17 year old daughter and I, but with the virus, no one is buying. My only income is my child support of $481/month. I have been waiting on my disability to be approved, but they have suspended decisions as "non essential". I haven't even been outside in 25 days and it was 40 days before that. While I was in the hospital, my husband took my car, that I worked my ASS OFF to buy. He was pulled over with a large amount of meth and guns in the car. It was taken into evidence and I will be unable to get it back. My daughter and I went without a car (we don't have public transit here) until my sister and her husband gifted us one. We finally felt free again. One day last summer, my daughter was t boned by a wrong way driver and the car was totalled. The other driver was uninsured, and my insurance said that I was underinsured and I literally got NOTHING. The accident was in July so finally in late November, I was able to sell nearly everything we owned and bought a cheap car. 3 days later, the transmission went out. Since the domestic violence incident, I decided that we had to move (location left out for safety). One thing after another has kept us from being able to escape to safety. Money is the only thing holding me back at this point. I have an escape plan but it requires money. I have secured housing in the new location, but our car is not running. Flights are $20 right now to get us there, and since the housing I found is furnished, I can put everything in storage here, sell the car for scrap, and go start a new life. BUT, I have to be able to pay the move in fees and rent (I have an approved housing voucher that is currently being transferred, but we have to be there for a period of time before that can be done, hence the furnished apartment.) I have NEVER in my life had to depend on anyone but myself. I moved out on my own at 15 and have been doing it ever since. My daughter was diagnosed with PTSD because of all of this. I have spent my whole life taking care of other people, now I can't even make myself get up and take a shower in the morning. I am receiving mental health treatment now, but I have NEVER been this low in my life. I seriously just want to stop living, and if it weren't for my kids, I would do just that. It seems like a crazy story. It feels completely surreal. It feels like a nightmare that I CANNOT wake up from. I have no idea what to do. NO idea where to go from here. 