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Hello everybody,
Hope your Sunday is going well. Hope your Cinco De Mayo went great as well.
I never, ever ask for help, as I believe very much in the concept of hard work and growing through intense adversity to become stronger, but I feel like I am at my last end. My grandparents are unable to help, since they are retired and receive Social Security, which, of course, means they have to be incredibly careful with their finances. They have done a lot for me in life, for which I am very thankful. In a way, it seems they have been more than my mother, in recent years, which I will explain.
In 2012, I headed off to college. Like any 18-year-old, I realized this was a time in my life I would finally be an adult. I was excited to be independent. I was on my own, but knew if anything tragic happened, I could talk to my family. Well, my mom decided once I left for college, I wasn’t all that important, even when I would call to let her know I was doing well, see how my dogs were doing, see how she was doing, etc. She was short and really didn’t care to talk. Come to find out, she had been putting sleeping around above the well-being of her family. My brother, who became fed-up with this, ended up dropping out of high school and going down a wrong path in life. My mom could not handle being alone, and believed any guy could make her happy, even the most abusive. Many holidays I spent home being berated by her and her significant other (whoever it was at the time.) I remember one Christmas break was spent going to Texas with one of her significant others, who, in a nutshell, destroyed my relationship with my mother. What’s worse is that my mom basically drained my savings since it was an account she opened for me when I was young. She used a majority of it just to keep her relationships in place. My plan was to save up enough to move to Texas or N. Carolina after I graduated. Well, that came to a huge halt once I realized it was basically drained. The $4,000 I had saved was about $200. Hardly any remorse she showed. My grandparents offered to help me get it back, but I told them to not worry, as they are on Social Security and I want them to save their money since Social Security gives you only a certain amount each month. I sought counseling and also got involved in good extracurriculars at school. These actions helped get my mind off the stress and hurt my mother did to me. It took me all my might to try to repair my relationship with my mother, but even today, it seems I have to accept she has went down a path that although I know she loves me, she is more-so focused on the well-being on her husband (my stepdad.) Sometimes when I go home to visit, things go okay. Other times, it is like hell. E.g.: Found out my stepdad was an alcoholic and my mom was perfectly fine with him berating me and feeling endangered 24/7. I have since moved out for my own well-being and to restore my mental health, which, for about 5 years, has been destroyed due to her actions. I had no avenue to take to find safety, until recently.
I just now started a job. I get paid on the 15th and am already a week late on rent. I came with little money. By little, I mean what I had leftover. I had $1,500 from a short stint I had while living at home for the summer. I spent $1,400 on 1st month and security deposit. Thankfully, I had some food and other things with me to thrive for a bit. So, the little I had leftover was $100. I have little to my name now, and am worried how I will get food for this week and thrive, as well as paying security deposit and utilities. In total, my monthly expenses starting this month are $1,000. I know this job will pay off, but due to my savings of $4,000 being drained a few years ago, I am now basically drained, financially and mentally. I worked hard in college, and life. On top of being a cancer survivor, losing my house to a fire, and getting in a car wreck the day after graduation due to a drunk driver hitting me head on, my mom’s betrayal of her own son makes me question sometimes why I am even alive. Yes, I love being independent and going after my dreams, but I believe a mother should never disown her son all because he is an adult. Heck, my grandparents are 75 and still talk to their son a couple times a week, and me almost daily. They only talk to me daily because they are worried about my mental health due to how much it is scarred due to what she had done. No grandparent should ever have to worry about their grandson’s mental health. The effects of my mom draining the $4,000 are now destroying me.
I worked part-time jobs in college and the summer following, but it was hard to find any and save, as most of my savings went to making sure I ate, paid the couple bills I had, and figuring out a plan to move to where I am now. I am in a great job, and do not plan to leave. I love where I am and see myself growing at this job, and advancing to a management position in the next year or two, due to my drive to succeed and helping others grow.
I am not asking any of you to replace the $4,000, as that is going to be a job in itself and I am going to have to find a way to make that long-term goal achievable. No one but me can fix what my mother did to me. It is going to be emotional, but I truly believe anybody can be a good person. However, if any of you could help with at least the $1,000 for this month, that would be a huge godsend. Even if it is just little to cover food, I would be appreciative. Food is my main concern. Shelter in this city is feasible, even if it means being homeless for about a week. Please let me know if you can help and feel free to message me. I will then send you my PayPal. Any help is appreciated. Have a wonderful Sunday.
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