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Used and Abused
Blush I met him when I just turned 37, I hadn't had a serious relationship before then, and when he first asked me out I declined
, I didn't want a relationship, it was too much hard work.
We worked together, and when I first met him, he was shy and quiet. If only he's stayed that way. Anyway, after declining
dating him, I lost my job a few weeks later, and he offered to help me find a new one, as I didn't have a car to drive
around looking for a new job, I said yes. After he helped me look for a job, he was so easy going and nice, I thought I'd
 give him a chance and go out with him. The relationship developed pretty quickly, he was kind, and sweet and couldn't wait
 to see me, in fact he wanted to see me everyday since our first date. Now I see this as a sign of the beginning of abuse,
 but I was naive and young back then. Anyway, things were going great for about a month, then he started looking through
 my phone, and he deleted any men's number I had in there. That should have sent me running, but I stayed.
Slowly but surely, he started controlling me, he told me he didn't like his girlfriends talking to men, and he used to
tell me about the times he made his ex-girlfriends stop talking to men, and he'd switch to badmouthing them, to talking
 about them inappropriately, like he'd tell me how sweet his ex was, and how he'd never love anyone more than her. I used
 to get upset, but of course I was over-reacting. Within the first year of our relationship, he checked my phone all the
time, he stopped me going out with friends, or even to the shops, he would perv at girls and tell me he'd kill me if I
ever looked at a man.
He was so hypocritical it is actually unreal, he could do anything he wanted, and he did, but he'd still somehow
manipulate me so I believed that was okay. He even told me once, in the beginning that he'd never stay with someone
who treated him badly, no matter how much he loved them, yet he expected me to take all the abuse from him. And I did.
He disrespected me all the time, talking to his friends about how sexy a girl was, in front of me. I cried, I begged him
and told him how much it hurt when he did this. All he said was 'I can't stop it'. I also found out he'd been talking to
other girls on dating websites, and was planning to meet them. I confronted him about this, and he swore to me his friends
 had been on his account. Then one day, out of the blue, he told me hed stop perverting at girls because it was disrespectful
 towards me. And he's never done it since, even though he told me he 'couldn't change, and he'd always done it'.
He actually stopped abusing me and we ended up have our 2 little girls back to back. Months later, after our second,
 he abused me again... How can someone shut off and on just like that?  Of course, anyone whose been in an abusive
 relationship know's it not like this all the time, there were some times when
 he'd be so sweet...That was the last time, after that happened he expected us to go back to normal like usual, and he
didnt believe me when I told him I was leaving him for good. That was 4 months ago, and he has tried everything to get
me back, flowers, cards, begging, crying, texting me, calling me, getting his friends to try to convince me to come back,
 acting as if he's so heartbroken. Fact is, he is. He's heartbroken that he doesn't have someone to control and treat
 me like a punching bag anymore. I decided I didn't want my babies to grow up in this so I chose to live in my van.
The only thing he loved about  me, was the fact I allowed him to do this to me, he changed my personality so much,
he clearly wasn't in love with the real me.
I'm now doing so much better, even though it's hard it's so worth it. I'm getting counselling to come to terms with what
 he did to me, but slowly things are looking up. It's so liberating to be able to go to a bathroom without him lurking
or out to the park with my babies without having to worry. I can now choose where to go, and what to do with my own life,
it's scary but amazing, and I know no matter what, I will never go back to that man again.  I have tried all the low rent
places, housing assistance and it is a 4 year wait. I need out and move to a better atmosphere and situation and start
over with my babies. We need help, I dont want my babies to be in foster care. If he found out, he would take my babies
 from me cause he has a nice home. I never married him because I didn't want that part taken from me and as the babies
 resulted  in this relationship then Im glad I never did marry him, no custody battle unless he finds me. I want to be
secure in a place. The few friends I had that he destroyed but still say hey to me, even though its not the same since
years ago, have lives of their own, kids and I am not going to be a bother to them. Please help us, we appreciate it so much.

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