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Cougars - unyoung women on the prowl. 1 of 9 Melanie Garrett, of Granite Bay and Nick Santoro of Oakland share a conversation during the "Cougars" single party at Faz Restaurant on Thursday Jan. 8, 2009, in Danville, Calif.
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Michael Macor/The Chronicle Show More Show Less. 2 of 9 SARANDON-1 APR93-AP ACTOR TIM ROBBINS AND OSCAR NOMINEE SUSAN SARANDON ARRIVE AT THE DOROTHY CHANDLER PAVILION. AP Show More Show Less. 4 of 9 Anita Blake, (left) of Pleasanton and Sue Sunder, of San Ramon share a laugh during the "Cougars" single party at Faz Restaurant on Thursday Jan. 8, 2009, in Danville, Calif. Michael Macor/The Chronicle Show More Show Less. 5 of 9 Karen, (left center) and Kimberly, (didn't want last names), having a good time at the "Cougars" single party of Faz Restaurant on Thursday Jan. 8, 2009, in Danville, Calif. Michael Macor/The Chronicle Show More Show Less. 7 of 9 FILE-- Feb 2000 file photo of Singer Madonna is seen with her boyfriend British film director Guy Ritchie at the Savoy Hotel in London in this Feb. 2000 file photo. Madonna announced Monday, March 20, 2000 that she is pregnant with her second child, this one fathered by her current boyfriend Ritchie. (AP Photo/Stefan Rousseau, PA) **UK OUT NO MAGS NO SALES** ALSO RAN 4/21/2000, 5/3/2000, 7/6/2000, 12/19/2000, 02/06/2001, 2/15/2001, 02/08/02, 10/01/03 Stefan Rousseau/AP Show More Show Less. 8 of 9 Demi Moore arrives with Ashton Kutcher for the special screening of her new movie,"Charlie's Angels" Full Throttle" Wednesday, June 25, 2003, in New York. (AP Photo/ Louis Lanzano) Louis Lanzano/AP Show More Show Less. Standing tall in a thigh-baring mini dress with a neckline that exposed her ample cleavage, Melanie Garrett, 50, stood out from the crowd in the Faz restaurant bar in Danville on a recent weeknight, and not just because of her decollete or her 6-foot frame. Garrett was clad in seductive black - and not leopard-print clothing, the costume of the hour - although she was, admittedly, on the prowl. More than 100 guests looking for liaisons, if not love, paid $10 each to mingle at the East Bay's first "Single Cougars Party," an event sponsored by the Society of Single Professionals, billed as the world's largest nonprofit for singles. The aim, according to society founder Rich Gosse, was to help break the age taboos against older women dating younger men. More experienced women have been dubbed "cougars" for their independent, or, some say, predatory ways. "It's more conventional in the Bay Area to be gay than it is to be a cougar," Gosse said. "I'm trying to get cougars out of the closet." Garrett, a divorced entrepreneur accustomed to taking risks, had no trouble with that. She drove 102 miles each way, from Granite Bay, near Sacramento, to the Danville singles party, in her bid for a date. "Me, a cougar? I love hearing that," she purred, flashing a mane of blond hair and a white smile. "I'll date anyone from 18 on up, and I'm 50. Us cougars, we hunt all over." The crowd was about 80 percent women, many of them in their 50s, and about 20 percent men, who ranged in age from their mid-20s to their 60s. Nick Santoro, 26, a marketing coordinator for an engineering firm, was roped into attending by his friend Paul Lee, 30, a university administrator from Oakland. Santoro just happened to be one of the first men Garrett approached. "What's the appeal of older women? Where do I begin?" Santoro said. "Am I into older women? Why not? I'm into women, and I thought it would be fun, and it is. I'm probably the youngest guy here." Lee said role reversal is the key. "Younger women tend to not know what they want, whereas older women do," he said. "It's attractive, instead of chasing someone, to be chased." There is also an appeal, he indicated, in not having to make a commitment. Older women don't build their worlds around younger men, he said, because they have careers, full lives and friends. "I enjoy my life and I want to enhance it," Lee said. "I'm not interested in marriage at this point, I just want to share moments in my life with someone else. I think a lot of people in the Bay Area are like me, busy, with hobbies and without a lot of time to go out." The term "cougar" is believed to have originated in Vancouver, British Columbia, bars as a derogatory term, according to Valerie Gibson, a Toronto journalist and author of "Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men," (Key Porter Books, 2001). "I said, 'Wow, cougar!' " Gibson recalled in a phone interview last week. "Even though it meant an older woman drunk in a bar grabbing at a young man, I said, 'That's a great name. Cougars are gorgeous, wonderful creatures - sleek, strong, in control of their environment. What a wonderful image. What about making it into a positive image?' " Women more in control. Whether it has been Hollywood's influence, the influence of her book hitting the media or a slow societal shift as women have become more financially successful and independent, women have taken control of their sexuality by leaps and bounds during the seven years since her book came out, Gibson believes. "When you're older, you're supposed to give it up and sit in a rocking chair and knit," Gibson said. "Society discarded older women at a certain point because they couldn't procreate. Men tossed them aside, called them 'mutton dressed up as lamb,' or 'old and foolish,' " she said. "Today, women are doing the choosing and the dumping in their sexual lives. They don't sit by the phone waiting for a man to call. They're not interested in marriage, kids or cohabiting. They're interested in good sex and living their lives the way they want to. They are taking the reins of the relationship, turning it upside down." Gosse, founder of the dating society, which organizes events on six continents (and can be found at http://www.thepartyhotline.com ), is also the author of several books on dating, including "You Can Hurry Love." He said he knows from experience that dating older women can be pleasurable, and he is trying to create a cultural shift. He started his singles society - which has no religious affiliation - at the Unitarian Church in San Rafael in 1978. Back then, as now, he said, it was hard to find people to date, and "I had to date older women or not date at all," he said. "There have always been older women at singles' parties. We're just trying to make it socially acceptable." His first official cougars party was held last year at Park Chalet in San Francisco, a second was held in Palo Alto.
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Article:
Cougars - unyoung women on the prowl. 1 of 9 Melanie Garrett, of Granite Bay and Nick Santoro of Oakland share a conversation during the "Cougars" single party at Faz Restaurant on Thursday Jan. 8, 2009, in Danville, Calif.
Click here for mature women seeking men
Michael Macor/The Chronicle Show More Show Less. 2 of 9 SARANDON-1 APR93-AP ACTOR TIM ROBBINS AND OSCAR NOMINEE SUSAN SARANDON ARRIVE AT THE DOROTHY CHANDLER PAVILION. AP Show More Show Less. 4 of 9 Anita Blake, (left) of Pleasanton and Sue Sunder, of San Ramon share a laugh during the "Cougars" single party at Faz Restaurant on Thursday Jan. 8, 2009, in Danville, Calif. Michael Macor/The Chronicle Show More Show Less. 5 of 9 Karen, (left center) and Kimberly, (didn't want last names), having a good time at the "Cougars" single party of Faz Restaurant on Thursday Jan. 8, 2009, in Danville, Calif. Michael Macor/The Chronicle Show More Show Less. 7 of 9 FILE-- Feb 2000 file photo of Singer Madonna is seen with her boyfriend British film director Guy Ritchie at the Savoy Hotel in London in this Feb. 2000 file photo. Madonna announced Monday, March 20, 2000 that she is pregnant with her second child, this one fathered by her current boyfriend Ritchie. (AP Photo/Stefan Rousseau, PA) **UK OUT NO MAGS NO SALES** ALSO RAN 4/21/2000, 5/3/2000, 7/6/2000, 12/19/2000, 02/06/2001, 2/15/2001, 02/08/02, 10/01/03 Stefan Rousseau/AP Show More Show Less. 8 of 9 Demi Moore arrives with Ashton Kutcher for the special screening of her new movie,"Charlie's Angels" Full Throttle" Wednesday, June 25, 2003, in New York. (AP Photo/ Louis Lanzano) Louis Lanzano/AP Show More Show Less. Standing tall in a thigh-baring mini dress with a neckline that exposed her ample cleavage, Melanie Garrett, 50, stood out from the crowd in the Faz restaurant bar in Danville on a recent weeknight, and not just because of her decollete or her 6-foot frame. Garrett was clad in seductive black - and not leopard-print clothing, the costume of the hour - although she was, admittedly, on the prowl. More than 100 guests looking for liaisons, if not love, paid $10 each to mingle at the East Bay's first "Single Cougars Party," an event sponsored by the Society of Single Professionals, billed as the world's largest nonprofit for singles. The aim, according to society founder Rich Gosse, was to help break the age taboos against older women dating younger men. More experienced women have been dubbed "cougars" for their independent, or, some say, predatory ways. "It's more conventional in the Bay Area to be gay than it is to be a cougar," Gosse said. "I'm trying to get cougars out of the closet." Garrett, a divorced entrepreneur accustomed to taking risks, had no trouble with that. She drove 102 miles each way, from Granite Bay, near Sacramento, to the Danville singles party, in her bid for a date. "Me, a cougar? I love hearing that," she purred, flashing a mane of blond hair and a white smile. "I'll date anyone from 18 on up, and I'm 50. Us cougars, we hunt all over." The crowd was about 80 percent women, many of them in their 50s, and about 20 percent men, who ranged in age from their mid-20s to their 60s. Nick Santoro, 26, a marketing coordinator for an engineering firm, was roped into attending by his friend Paul Lee, 30, a university administrator from Oakland. Santoro just happened to be one of the first men Garrett approached. "What's the appeal of older women? Where do I begin?" Santoro said. "Am I into older women? Why not? I'm into women, and I thought it would be fun, and it is. I'm probably the youngest guy here." Lee said role reversal is the key. "Younger women tend to not know what they want, whereas older women do," he said. "It's attractive, instead of chasing someone, to be chased." There is also an appeal, he indicated, in not having to make a commitment. Older women don't build their worlds around younger men, he said, because they have careers, full lives and friends. "I enjoy my life and I want to enhance it," Lee said. "I'm not interested in marriage at this point, I just want to share moments in my life with someone else. I think a lot of people in the Bay Area are like me, busy, with hobbies and without a lot of time to go out." The term "cougar" is believed to have originated in Vancouver, British Columbia, bars as a derogatory term, according to Valerie Gibson, a Toronto journalist and author of "Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men," (Key Porter Books, 2001). "I said, 'Wow, cougar!' " Gibson recalled in a phone interview last week. "Even though it meant an older woman drunk in a bar grabbing at a young man, I said, 'That's a great name. Cougars are gorgeous, wonderful creatures - sleek, strong, in control of their environment. What a wonderful image. What about making it into a positive image?' " Women more in control. Whether it has been Hollywood's influence, the influence of her book hitting the media or a slow societal shift as women have become more financially successful and independent, women have taken control of their sexuality by leaps and bounds during the seven years since her book came out, Gibson believes. "When you're older, you're supposed to give it up and sit in a rocking chair and knit," Gibson said. "Society discarded older women at a certain point because they couldn't procreate. Men tossed them aside, called them 'mutton dressed up as lamb,' or 'old and foolish,' " she said. "Today, women are doing the choosing and the dumping in their sexual lives. They don't sit by the phone waiting for a man to call. They're not interested in marriage, kids or cohabiting. They're interested in good sex and living their lives the way they want to. They are taking the reins of the relationship, turning it upside down." Gosse, founder of the dating society, which organizes events on six continents (and can be found at http://www.thepartyhotline.com ), is also the author of several books on dating, including "You Can Hurry Love." He said he knows from experience that dating older women can be pleasurable, and he is trying to create a cultural shift. He started his singles society - which has no religious affiliation - at the Unitarian Church in San Rafael in 1978. Back then, as now, he said, it was hard to find people to date, and "I had to date older women or not date at all," he said. "There have always been older women at singles' parties. We're just trying to make it socially acceptable." His first official cougars party was held last year at Park Chalet in San Francisco, a second was held in Palo Alto.
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