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+--- Thread: A huge mistake, a life lesson. Please Read (/showthread.php?tid=38014)
A huge mistake, a life lesson. Please Read - haley.marie.xox - 02-28-2022
Hi, Thank you for taking time to read my letter. I am writing this letter because I desperately need help paying my credit card bill. I don’t use the word “desperate” often, so please understand that since I’m explaining it that way, I truly do feel hopeless right now. I would appreciate it greatly if you read what I have to say to the end so you fully understand my story.
Prior to COVID, I had been working full time for a family as a private caregiver for their lovely elderly mother who was living in their home. When the pandemic hit, everything changed. A stay-at-home order was put into place and everyone was forced to social distance. Since the elderly population was especially vulnerable to severe- even deadly outcomes if they were infected with the virus, my client’s family thought it would be safest for their mother to be around immediate family only unless I were to live in complete isolation which we all knew was impossible.
Although I was afraid to lose my job, I understood that the risks to her health and well being would be too great if I were to stay, so I agreed to their wishes and was laid off. At this time, I had been working for this family for just over 3 years, and because I couldn’t have seen the pandemic coming, I had no plan to fall back on. I began looking for work elsewhere, but most businesses were either letting employees go, or shutting their doors temporarily and not accepting applications. This is the very first time in my life that I feared I would end up homeless on the streets and it was a really terrifying feeling.
I have always kept some savings for the hour of need and that helped some in the beginning. However between losing my job and not being able to find work, I began relying on those savings to keep me afloat. The real problem began when the safety net of those savings quickly came to an end. I spoke to a few banks for a loan but they were offering it on very strict terms that I felt I’d be unable to meet. Terrified about what I was going to do, I chose to temporarily solve this problem by using my credit card. Since I had good credit, I had a good limit also. I knew that solving my problem this way especially without means to pay the bill was a bad idea, but my fears took the best of me and I did it anyway. I allowed myself to be completely irresponsible and ignore the fact that sooner or later I’d be facing an even bigger problem than I began with. I just had absolutely no idea how bad the problem would soon get and that it would start having a serious emotional affect on me as well.
Like I said, I knew what I was doing was wrong and making the decision to do it anyway was not one of my proudest moments. To be clear though, I was not going on shopping sprees or spending money recklessly. I was simply using my credit card to pay my rent, utilities, phone, and other such bills, and needed groceries. When the statement for my credit card came, I would hide it in my room and try to forget about it for the moment because I knew I couldn’t pay it. I did this for about 4 months and since then, life has been a complete nightmare for me.
I wake up each morning in a complete panic. I don’t even have a full minute of peace before I begin to worry. My stress is debilitating and is making me physically sick. The decisions I made to get myself in debt are ruining my life. I have never done something so irresponsible and the way I’ve handled this whole situation sickens me. Since going in debt, I’ve felt like a completely different person. I’ve become extremely depressed, overwhelmed, and stressed out. My thoughts are consuming me and they just make me feel worse and worse by the day. I have honestly started to hate myself because of this and I have no way to get out of this mess.
I’m asking for help from anyone at all who has the means to do so. I’m in over my head right now and I’m scared. I’m doing the best I can to express in words how I feel, but it feels impossible to express all of my pain. I’ve taken a step back to look at the mess I’ve made and I just feel so foolish. I know that without paying off my debt, my dream of going back to school is out of the question because getting a student loan will be impossible. I know that with my credit score dropping too, only more problems are going to arise. I know that if I don’t take care of this now, my mental state is going to continue to deteriorate and I refuse to live this way. The one and only good thing that has come out of this whole situation is that I’ve learned a HUGE lesson and I will never repeat this mistake.