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Desperate and Trying Not to Get Lost in the Mix - Joseph85 - 01-04-2019
Hello. Not sure who is actually reading this, as the title suggests.
My story is not atypical, I guess. A few years ago I went through a divorce. During the process my car was repossessed and I went into bankruptcy. Through it all though, I managed to keep a decent job working at a resort in Las Vegas.
After the discharge, I began to feel like I had some financial freedom, or at least breathing room. I thought I could move out of my small post-divorce apartment and get one with more room for myself and my daughter (I shared custody with my ex-wife.) Thought I could get a new car. Thought I could afford the "almost necessities" like high-speed internet, a smartphone and mobile devices for my daughter.
I mean, I was getting all kinds of offer in the mail for credit cards. My bank would not give me a credit card, citing the banruptcy, but hey, these guys would. High interest, but it's a credit card, right? I might need it! I can do this!
I moved into a bigger aparment where my daughter could have her own room. It was expensive, but typical for the area. I got a car. But I was starry-eyed and got fleeced by the dealership. $458 a month for a small Toyota "due to your low credit rating." Car insurance was high due to my living and working in Vegas. Still, I was getting by and I had a couple of the aformentioned credit cards for emergencies.
After about a year, life started throwing curveballs. Overtime hours dried up at work, and my paychecks got smaller. My apartment least expired, and renewal would be a significant increase in rent. Bills started piling up. I started to get nervous.
There was other mail coming. Loan offers with "easy installment plans." They were attractive offers, and the payments seemed like someting I could afford. I bit. Big mistake. Within six months, I was falling behind. Stress was eating at me. I took out more loans. Soon, my checks were going almost entirely to loan payments. As a result, I started paying other bills late, and struggling to manage even that.
My landlord gave me the ultimatum to move out or get evicted. Staying with my ex-wife was not feasible and, being socially awkward, I had no friends or work associates I could stay with. There was no living in my car, as it was about to be repossessed. There was one option. Move back in with my mother, in Maine, try to get work up there, and try to get everything sorted out enough to move back to Nevada.
I decided to do it. I could only console my daughter by promising to be back as soon as possible. I started the drive to Maine with tears in my eyes and with intense feelings of shame and guilt. I stayed with family members along the way, and borrowed money from them for travel expenses.
Within a week, I was in Maine, where I am now. A final paycheck from my old job covered a few bills, and my mother helps with groceries. She is living mainly on Social Security though, and cannot afford to support me for an extended period of time. Finding work in this area is tough, as it is a very small town. My car has not yet been repossessed, but I have been warned that is coming. I am past due on payments to a lender, and have been threatened with legal action. My mother's phone now rings with people looking for me. Sleeping and eating have become difficult. My thoughts have become very bleak.
The worst part of all this is, I have lost my daughter. I cannot properly provide for her now, and I cannot even see her. I cannot tuck her in at night, I cannot hold her hand when she crosses the street. Texting her on a deactivated phone is all I can do, and I can only do that when I am near wi-fi. Being apart from her is heartbreaking. It hurts even worse because, realistically, I will not be back to Vegas anytime soon.
This is really a confessional more than anything else, as I have difficulty believing anyone is even reading this. Thank You to anyone who did read this. My PayPal link is paypal.me/deanbk