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+--- Thread: Please help (/showthread.php?tid=32207)
Please help - RainbowTashie - 06-14-2018
Feeling really low. Just wanna be a normal person with a normal job that doesn't break down when she gets a job and ends up not going. This is really personal but I've got crippling anxiety and have been out of work for 2 years now, and it's not getting any better. I manage to go through the whole interview process but have panic attacks when it comes to actually going. I quit my old job because I worked really hard but got treated really badly by members of staff that aren't even there anymore and wasn't assertive enough to stand up for myself, the only way i could is by the getting really mad and that just wasn't me. They were always cruel to me and expected the impossible even though i was by far the hardest working person there, whilst there were slackers doing nothing and getting away with it. They broke me to the point i couldn't come to work without bursting into tears.
The rest of the people there cared about me and accommodated my every need and I have just thrown it back in their faces by leaving. because when it's bad i just flip out and act irrationally, At night I just remember the good things even though there were a lot of bad days. Yeah i'm lazy at home but not in work my work ethic has always been great and i push myself harder than anyone. Sometimes i think of applying again and going back there but I left on bad terms so they probably won't have me back anyway. I've searched for help everywhere but nothing works for me. they just want to drug me up with medication or send me self help PDF's via email. There is no 1 to 1 human counselling available for me. The longer I'm out of work the lower my confidence, self esteem and people skills become it's a mean cycle.
I'm not getting any money and have to rely on my boyfriend for everything i''m sick of being a burden to him even though he says i'm not. We run out of money really early in the month and I know it's my fault. The only income I have is art which I am trying so hard to get good at but I can't get my name out there because you have to pay for advertising in the first place.
I avoid people even if they are close friends because being around people zaps my energy. I just feel like i'm going nowhere and am going to be like this forever. If you want to help please consider donating at:
paypal.me/rainbowtashie
Maybe one day i will have the courage to go all the way with a new career and not let anyone down but it feels way off right now.
Thanks for listening to my vent.